The Last Moment is Increasingly Old

When the universe makes me feel minuscule, when all about my ego is deteriorating, it’s important to find humor in my awe, because that’s what I really am; I’m far more awed than I am scared. When lined up shoulder to shoulder with the universe at recess, it’s no doubt I will be picked last. However, it’s the moment that I realize that I have the opportunity to stand on the same line as the universe…in that moment a tide goosebumps sweep over my body and I am humbled beyond measure. In the moment of being so humbled, my eyesight would peer through what it was previously fixed on, all that was physically sharp goes out of focus and my sights peer through all until I feel like I’m looking into the very fabric of space and time.  In the moment of awe, all is hilarious; existentialism takes grip of my being and an ironic flood of purpose pumps through my veins.

I take a visit to the restroom and I look at myself in the mirror. In the mirror stands someone I’m not too particularly proud to associate myself with and I try to avoid eye contact. Eventually, our eyes meet and the whites of his are blood-red.

 I find amusement in the power I give to things that never asked for any power. I just handed myself over in trust that it had my best interest in mind, tangibly or intangibly. I decide that I should go off to my bed, where stress is immediately replaced with dreams of closure. I then give power to the actual physical nature of my body, the one that wants to repair my body and mind while my consciousness takes a break.

The next morning I roll out of bed into a new year.

The metaphysical is a witch, she gives us the confidence to pursue our future with whatever vigor we wish to put forth.  But we gave the metaphysical the power of confidence and that irony should not be put to bed without recognition. The worst days of my life were days that I went without seeing the big-picture-play-write that I was taking part in. I am Truman Burbank, and I think it’s important to see the humor in that.